September 22, 2017

Today, we're, for the most part, homeless. We're sleeping either on the floor or a couch. I'm also sick. It wouldn't surprise me if I end up getting pneumonia. There's a part of me that doesn't care though. Lately I've been having a lot of anxiety and depression. I guess what happens, happens. I'm also working at a group home in Beaverton. I'm really getting burned out on this.

Trust

Yesterday I found out a coworker, someone that I trusted, had been talking shit about me behind my back. I really thought I could trust this person. I suppose not. 

I am Light and Dark

I am Light and Dark
I visualize Sophia and Lilith
holding each of my hands
I feel apart of both
Light and Dark
Flow through me
I'm not myself
Without both Light and Dark
Both originate from one Source
May they be one
May they be joined through me.

Emotions

Last night my roommate and I visited her new friend's house. I like her as a person. She's very intelligent. However, she's analytical while I'm very emotional--exact opposites so to speak. For some reason I felt anger, which makes no sense to me. There was no malice involved, no desire to hurt me physically or any other way. Why do I feel like this? I can't imagine my world without emotions. I'm not sure I would want to live a life like that.
Still, she is a good person and I hope I can learn some things myself through her. Even if it's how to keep my emotions in check.

Jaclyn C. Horton
All Rights Reserved
Copyright 2017

Lead Me to my Soulmate

Mother Sophia
I kneel before Your altar
Bring to me and reveal my soulmate
My heart is empty

It echoes from the absence
Of my divine love
I crave the presence
Of my Love

May we serve You together
Lead us both in service to You
Then may we serve You
All of our days

Jaclyn C. Horton
All Rights Reserved
Copyright 2017

Not Good Enough

I am an excellent friend
Apparently not for more than that
No doubt I am deemed not good enough
Good enough for friends

But not as a lover
I'm thinking I should give up
Be prepared to live the rest of my days
Without a human touch

Without being held by the one I love
Is that even called being alive?
Or is it merely existing
Why would I be deprived of love?

Jaclyn C. Horton

4/29/2017

I woke up this morning feeling like I'm not good enough. I want to be loved, to be held, to be nurtured. It feels like I'm just existing, not living. I feel so tired, not really physically, although there's plenty of that. I feel soul-tired. Sometimes I just want to move on. The desire in me right now is to have an incarnation where I just relax and have a good time. This one has been a big challenge for me. 

4/23/2017

I've been under a lot of stress lately. I'm through with the pre-employment training and am starting the the shadowing of other employees doing their jobs. The anxiety has been getting to me. The other job I had I didn't succeed at so I hope I fare better this time around. Friday I didn't want to go but pushed through and ended up having a pretty good day. On the way home and yesterday I've had high anxiety. I've been trying to treated it with herbal remedies. I really want to succeed and help others.

Thoughts 4-10-17

I feel like I'm making progress. It's been so long since I've worked but I start training for a new job on Wednesday. I feel real good about it and being more self-reliant. While I appreciate all many have done for me, I want to be able to support myself as much as I can. Finally I feel like I am closer to that goal.

04/09/2017

Yesterday my friend Rhiannan and I spent some time with her family in the Portland area. It's nice to feel accepted by her family. I've been told thank you for helping to bring her back to Oregon. It's nice to be appreciated but truth is Rhiannan is my best friend and I would drop everything if she needed me. We got back late last night. It was so nice to get home.

Today we're planning to go to the beach and let Coda run and pick up a few things. I love going to the beach. It's so beautiful there.

As I look out the window
I see a rainy landscape
An incredible amount off precipitation
Fall onto the already drenched Oregon countryside.
Even though even more rain seems inconvenient
To us who would love to do outside activities
Looking around one doesn't have to look very far
To witness the beauty of greenness
From grass to shrubbery to the wide variety
Of trees in this area
It is such a blessing to witness this beauty
One just has to be willing to look for it
I look forward to viewing many other sites
That Oregon has to offer.
Jaclyn C. Horton
All rights reserved
© 2017

How Blessed I Am!

I look within myself I look upon the snow covered plains. I look at the surf pounding the rocky shore I look at the I look at the Rocky Mountains. I look at the white sands of the Gulf of Mexico. All of it is evidence of Your hand. I am in awe of Your presence. The vast galaxies tell me how awesome is Your power. You created all of this yet You reside in my heart. How blessed I am! 

Jaclyn Horton 

All Rights Reserved Copyright 2017

Latest Happenings-4-6-2017

Last month I moved to Oregon with my best friend. It's so peaceful here. We're about 45 minutes from the Oregon coast in the country. Also sharing the house with us are 5 cats, 1 rabbit and 1 6 month old puppy. It's nice to be here and have some stability finally. I also for the first time in a long time I feel comfortable calling the place I reside at home.

I also had a job interview on the 5th of this month. Training starts next Wednesday. It's for a Certified Support Provider, so I can finally use my psychology degree. I'm really looking forward to working there. There's good opportunity for advancement.

Last week I drove down to the Bay Area to pick up my stuff from storage in San Francisco. I also was able to spend some time with my friend Quynh, which was nice.

I feel more at peace now also. 

Oregon Rain

As I look out the window

I see a rainy landscape

An incredible amount off precipitation

Fall onto the already drenched Oregon countryside.

Even though even more rain seems inconvenient

To us who would love to do outside activities

Looking around one doesn't have to look very far

To witness the beauty of greenness 

From grass to shrubbery to the wide variety

Of trees in this area

It is such a blessing to witness this beauty

One just has to be willing to look for it

I look forward to viewing many other sites

That Oregon has to offer.

Jaclyn C. Horton

All rights reserved

Copyright 2017