Latest Happenings

I wonder if it's even possible for to cut the cords of someone who was a previous lifetime's lover or somehow is this case special somehow. I've tried cutting cords with Rhiannan but I still feel the longing to be with her, to share my day with her, to wondering how things are in her world. I truly hope she's doing alright. Regardless, I seem to have problems letting go of her. It could be a song that comes on or just a thought that pops in my head. I have the feeling she isn't though. I just want to not be tormented all the time, or a significant amount of time anyway.

In other news I've been immersing myself in the Mac world. I have a Mac Mini that I had bought when I was in Minnesota, I have an iPhone now (love the camera on it) and a Mac laptop is on the way to replace the HP that has a cracked case. I feel like I'm learning a good bit. I think it also helps me career-wise to know multiple operating systems.

Last Monday I was in a meeting at work being led by a manager when the lead put up the wrong document. I seriously doubt I was supposed to see this document. It looked like an internal document of some sort. It mentioned at one point me being replaced by the person I had been asked to train. Later that night I messaged the lead resigning my position. I wasn't going to train my replacement. The next day the manager called me asking to know why I had resigned and apologized. He did arrange for me to keep getting a paycheck through them, I just wouldn't be on the Uber team. I will also be eligible for rehire which looks better. I still have a bad feeling about the way things worked out there. I was working my butt off. Some people say things were done this way to prevent a lawsuit, I'm not sure. They never actually said why I was let go, which I find odd.

Quite an Emotional Night

I went to bed around 8:30 but woke up wide awake around 11:00. After playing a bit with my new phone (an iPhone 11 which I love) I started getting sleepy again but couldn't go back to sleep. I kept thinking about Rhiannan again. It's been almost a year and a half since she unfriended me. Despite how much pain I felt regarding this, I had no animosity toward her. That changed tonight.

My thoughts kept going back to another night when I was having trouble sleeping. That time I and her were staying with her brother's family. They had a late night "discussion," part of it about me as if I wasn't in the house. I was quite awake and could easily hear them. Her brother actually was saying she was verbally abusing me, which she was. She replied she was tired of hearing that. Both her brother's family and her mother (who has since passed away--may her spirit rest in peace) actually had been saying Rhiannan was verbally abusing me for quite some time. I denied that for the longest time (it took being away from her and being unfriended by her before I finally admitted that to myself). While they were having this discussion, I tried burying my head into the pillow, which did no good whatsoever. Later I told her I could hear what was said about me, to which she replied she figured I could. No apology at all. Tonight I was wishing I would have walked out of the house even if I had to sleep in a motel or my car. But that would have caused a confrontation with her, something I had been avoiding for quite some time. Even now as I mention this I can feel my heart racing from the anxiety I feel recalling all of this. It is said that anger is not the opposite of love. In fact, it can be the largest expression of it.

Piano and Other Happenings

At the beginning of July I bought a keyboard and a subscription service to learn to play piano. I really wish I had learned when I was younger. One song I want to learn to play is Pink Floyd's "I Wish You Were Here," but it's not the only reason I want to learn to play.

Later in July I was in an automobile accident. I was fine but my poor Lancer was totaled. That car and I have been through a lot together. Not all of it good either. Ironically it happened right after I had devoted myself to Sophia. The way I see it though, it was a way of putting things behind me, things I need to let go. Some things, and one person in particular, I've been having a major problem letting go of. So perhaps this is a way, albeit symbolic, of letting go. I have been without a car until about a week ago. I now have a 2002 Subaru Outback. I wanted something with all wheel drive for those trips when I go to visit my daughter in Wisconsin. Overall the car seems to be running pretty well. I'll have to keep my eye on some things, but that's probably to be expected in a 17 year old car.

I start a new job on Monday. I'll be doing a one year contract with Uber. I'll be doing computer asset management. The job title is Administrator. I'm looking forward to starting there. The pay is good also.

Wanting a place of my own

Here lately I've been wanting a place of my own, even more than I have in the past. I want to be my own person, to be myself. While I feel I am supported in most things living here, I feel there are some private things that I can't do. When I had my own place or when I was living in the motel room I feel like I had more freedom. While I don't feel comfortable sharing the details, I feel there are some things that most would think are dirty or disgusting but that I enjoy or crave. I want grow as a person in all areas. I feel more restricted living in a communal environment, which in many ways, this is. I am opening myself to having my own place, to living in a house or apartment, just me and Jasper my cat.

Pandora's Box of Desire

Somehow he knew my deepest, darkest desires
Desires I wouldn't dare share with my regular friends
As he slipped his manhood into my nether region
I found myself opening up to his fullness
I found myself craving all of him
I found myself needing his juices
As he filled me I soaked up every drop
Still I wanted more
What has he created?
He's opened up a Pandora's Box of desire
Never to be satisfied
Full of wanton desire

Jaclyn C. Horton

Sometimes better off alone

Sometimes I think I'm better off alone. Tonight Michelle was in the kitchen, I spoke to her, my attempt at being friendly. She said hi and that sometimes she comes into the kitchen to meditate which I took as she wanted to be alone, to be left alone. Of course she was in a common area, not her bedroom. Sometimes I wonder if it would be better if I just lived by myself. That way I won't upset anyone or offend anyone or do something I'm not supposed to do to someone I'm living with or not living with as that case might be. Truth be known lately I've been craving to be alone. Indeed I've been spending more time in my room alone because I've been enjoying being alone more lately. I hope I can buy a home one day and Jasper and I can just be by ourselves, where we won't bother anyone.

Having to turn down a friend

Today I had to turn down a dear friend, someone I care about. Previously I had arranged for her to stay in my room that I rent with the approval of my friend and landlord, Joy. She had said she would stay one night. Then it became a second night. After that she was told she needed to leave. The following morning she was told she needed to leave right away per Joy. I delivered this message. After she left, I loaned her $200. Today she asked for more money as she was stranded in Nevada. She should have been able to make it much further than Nevada, if not the whole way. Today I told her I hoped things worked out but I couldn't help her. I feel I am enabling her. I also feel I need to set my own boundaries, to work on them. I'm not helping her by enabling her. She's not going to grow if I keep rescuing her. I have a tendency to want to rescue my friends but it's something I need to stop doing. They need to be able support themselves, not depend on me. It was difficult but I feel it was something I needed to do.

Latest thoughts

A few days ago I was riding BART to work and I was amazed that I am still not "over" Rhiannan and the hurt I felt, and still feel from being unfriended by her. I wonder if I will be over this. Sometimes I doubt it. I hope she's doing ok. I wish her healing and love. I find myself unable to express the feelings I have for her. All I am able to do is cast them out into the Universe. If she ever reaches a point where she will be able to receive them, she will.

This past Fourth of July, which was just a couple days ago, I connected with my friend Quynh. We had planned to go to the Botanical Gardens but the ones we ended up at charged $15 apiece and she refused to pay money to look at plants lol. I agreed with her. We did ride around and look at some of the sights. The sight from the Berkeley mountains overlooking the East Bay was quite a sight. We could see all of Berkeley, Oakland, the Bay and San Francisco in the distance. We both took some pictures. We also went to the waterfront at Emeryville and took more pictures. After our adventure Quynh had other plans to go to and I joined the Interdependence Day festivities at Vida Alegria. It was a nice time. I especially enjoyed seeing Tsahai.

While Quynh was here we talked a bit about my shyness and why I am that way. Some of it I don't think I realized myself. Much of it we discovered was due to me being bullied when I was growing up. Also we discussed my desire to have sexual reassignment surgery. This is so important to me, I would make myself a slave (sexual or otherwise) or a prostitute. I honestly see nothing wrong with being a prostitute. You're offering a service to someone that desires it. If it helped me to pay for surgery it would be more than worth it. We sell ourselves whether it's selling our body or selling our skills to the highest bidder. Either way, we're offering services to those that are willing to pay for them. Quynh said she had some connections both with bdsm and someone who had prostituted themselves to earn money. I'm actually looking forward to this. I hope I am able to do either or both of these.

I Still Think of Her and Other Thoughts

Even though it's been over a year, I still think of Rhiannan. I wonder how she's doing, what she's doing and just what she's up to. Sometimes it feels like I'm tormenting myself but I feel like I still care about her. I hope she's doing ok at any rate.

I'm feeling exhausted today. As soon as I got home today I went to bed. I got up a few minutes before 8. I was asked by Joy if I had any plans for the Fourth of July. Honestly, my only thought right now is getting rest. I'm not sure if I want to be with anyone else or not, although that's a few weeks away. I know right now my desire is to be with myself and not attend any type of festivities.

Two Different Directions

As a Pisces, I constantly am directed towards two different directions. Currently it's towards hanging in there the best I can or succumbing to the struggle, letting darkness overcome me and overwhelm me.

Today as I was riding BART on the way home, as the train was above ground and I mentally reached for the ground, the car began to plummet downward and I could see the surface getting further and further out of reach.

As I've  mentioned before, I've been contemplating a DNR. I keep going back and forth on that. I'm tired of the struggle, the anxiety causes a physical manifesting in my body of deeper and more asthma symptoms.

I went to the clinic this evening but didn't get to the pharmacy in time. They won't be reopening till tomorrow morning which will mean I won't get the prescriptions filled till tomorrow evening after work.

Mostly I want relief. Whether in this world or beyond it.

Jaclyn C. Horton

5/18/2019, A mixed day

I started this day with breathing problems again. I ended up using the rescue inhaler a number of times. Later I took myself out to breakfast,although afterwards I had bathroom problems I sat in the car until it subsided. I went to an adult shop to pick up some lube for some soothing of the pain in my anal area. Later I went to my friend Quynh's house. The original plan was for me to install a dimmer switch in her bedroom and for her to take me out to eat afterwards. When I got here she told me she found an app that would work with a special light bulb, so no hardware switch replacement was necessary. I ended up  repairing her toilet instead. We will be going to Miramar Beach Restaurant near Half Moon Bay, which is one of my favorite restaurants.

I'm still contemplating the DNR, although now I'm leaning towards not signing one. I need to focus  on controlling my mind though. When I don't my thoughts turn chaotic and focus on how bad things are.

Struggles, Working from Home

Lately I've been struggling in so many ways, from health to financial ways, which affects me in other ways. I've gone so far to consider signing a DNR order if something should happen to me health-wise. I had to sign an iou for parking yesterday. I ended up having an asthma attack on the way home. When I got home today I was completely exhausted. After dinner I laid down and ended up sleeping for 3 hours. Of course that put me waking up at 11 pm. I've been getting up at 5 am to make it to work via Bart by 8 am.

What I'm really wanting to do is to make money by working at home. To replace this amount of income I would need to make $1120 a week. So I'm putting it out there to make this amount of income via freelancing things such as programming, computer work, photography, writing or other things. I'm putting it out there to God/Goddess/the Universe.

Sincerely,

Jaclyn C. Horton

The Beauty of Your Handiwork

As I look within

I see the uniqueness of the work

of Your holy and glorious hand

I see both the maleness and the femaleness

The androygne that is spoken of

But typically not seen

You have given me the opportunity

To learn about gender

To see and experience

Both the male and the female

Many cannot understand this

Cannot understand the transgender

That think I, and people like me

Are some sort of abnormality

Or sin against Creation

On the contrary,

You created me this way

I am Your creation

You have created within me

Both the Divine Masculine

And the Divine Feminine

What a blessing this is!

Oh how I wish the ignorant could see this

That their eyes could be opened to Your handiwork

So many want to destroy those like me

Or restrict us

But they would be destroying the creation of the Divine

It happens so often

Please help them to see

To see the handiwork of your Creation

To see the beauty in us

To see the love in us

Jaclyn C. Horton

All Rights Reserved

Copyright 2019

New Job and Other Happenings

I start a new job on Monday. It's with the San Francisco Department of Public Health. I was trying for a job in Newark with Stanford Health but I don't feel I did all that well on the 2nd interview. I finished the Seth book I previously mentioned and read a short book entitled Bringers of the Dawn: Teachings of the Pleiadians. At first I wasn't too impressed with that one but I gradually grew more into it. It couldn't compare with the Seth book though. I couldn't put that one down. I started a new Seth book entitled The Nature of Personal Reality:A Seth Book. So far it seems good as well.
I've beens struggling financially lately. I was stretching out food actually and started losing weight again. I'm down to 140 lbs. I had to go to the doctor to get a TB test and a flu shot (a requirement for the job I'm starting). I had been having more asthma symptoms anyway so the new doctor is running tests on me also. She prescribed a few days of prednisone, which helps in the short term but doesn't in the long term in my opinion. I got a check from my parents today so I was able to get 2 of the prescriptions refilled. I was out of estrogen so I can start that back up again. I had a nice conversation with Rex which was enjoyable. Afterwards I walked up to the Albany Taproom, a favorite restaurant of mine. My favorite waitress wasn't there though. I ordered a salmon burger, sweet potato fries with a side salad and turkey breast for the salad. Afterwards my stomach was hurting badly. I wonder if it was a reaction to the food. Time to get back to my book.

Seth Speaks and my thoughts about reincarnation

Lately I've been listening to an audiobook called Seth Speaks: The Eternal Validity of the soul. An entity that no longer has a physical body is channeled by a woman. He is writing a book through Jane, an author. Her husband transcribes. One thing that is mentioned that in the afterlife we have choices of the type of lives we will reincarnate into. We even have the opportunity to relive a life with the chance to correct a mistake in a past life. This really got my attention. If this is true and it is true that Rhiannan and I were romantic in a past life like I've mentioned before, I would really love to have the opportunity to correct the mistake I may have made if I did cheat on her, which caused anger to well up in her. I think if all of this is true, I would like to relive that life. I would love to correct that dreadful mistake. Perhaps by not doing that one action, I could prevent things that some terrible things that occurred in this life. Listening to this audio is also making me realize that I need to not hold onto any pain or anger or hatred towards her, although I don't feel like I hate her. I honestly wish her peace and love and healing in all areas of her life. I think mostly I need to release her and not keep her bound. I've had difficulty releasing her. However, I do think that if she wished to know me in a future life, I would welcome it. But that would be up to her. This book has really made me think. It also has made me want to know if the events I described in the previous lifetime are true. I suspect I won't know for sure until I pass from this physical existence.

So Tired

I'm so, so tired. Tired of this existence. Today I found out my Federal Tax refund of $480 is being applied to something else. Perhaps student loans, I don't know. They don't fucking understand what my life is like, what's more they don't even care. As long as they get their fucking money. I would be glad to pay if I had the money to pay them. Instead I end up using it for things to survive on. I can't even go to the store to buy groceries, or get tags for my car, or insurance. It never ends. I'm so tired. Sometimes I just want out. How much is enough? How much do I have to bleed? Till I run out of blood? I feel like some people and even this entire system is only here to see how much they can get out of me until I'm run dry, when I'm bled out, then cast aside because I'll be of no use to them anymore.

Serpent Rising Inside

I lie in meditation
As I do I feel a large snake pressing against my anus
I am not afraid of it but welcome it
As it presses against my nether regions
I open up, welcoming it inside
The large snake enters me slowly
I take a deep breath
Willing it to come inside
It slithers inside me
At first I feel great pain
This soon however turns into pleasure
I desire it to possess me completely
It continues to enter me
Opening me ever larger
Because of it's great size
I totally lose all awareness
It gradually reaches first the lower chakra
Then eventually other chakras
Gradually moving up my energy centers
I feel the great serpent rising inside me
As it reaches the upper chakras
A great joy over comes me
Further still as it erupts out of my crown chakra
It then proceeds to cycle and reenter me
For what seems like an eternity
But I don't want it to stop
I welcome it and totally submitting it's energy
Fully possessing me
For what feels like an eternity
I let it continue as long as it wants to
Until eventually the energy subsides
AS it does I lie there in complete bliss

I Kneel Before You

As I kneel before your naked form
I feel myself lusting for your maleness
I begin to open myself up to you
Desiring you so completely
I rise up opening my mouth
In worship of your divine phallus
As your penis enters my mouth
I feel divine ecstasy all over my body
I must take it all in to me so completely
As your cock enters my mouth I open even more
Worshiping your maleness
I feel you entering the back of my mouth
I grab onto your muscular buttocks pulling you into my throat
As you begin go in and out of my oral orifice
I totally submit to your passion
I feel your member begin to pulse
As you do I feel my own body begin to quiver
We both reach a crescendo together
I totally lose all awareness
As our love rises up to the heavens
Your member erupts coating my throat with your love
I never want this to end
We continue for what feels like an eternity
Playing heavenly music with our bodies
But ultimately it subsides to an embrace
We hold each other in each other's arms
Letting the energy continue to swirl around us.

I Am Many Things

I am many things

I am Light and I am Dark
I am Sophia and I am Lilith
I am Spirituality and I am Carnality
I am the Saint and I am the Sinner
I am the Virgin and I am the Whore

I embrace all these things
I contain the entirety of all Creation, Light and Dark within my very soul

Jaclyn C. Horton
All Rights Reserved
Copyright 2019

Contemplation

As I sit here, I contemplate what has transpired over the past year. So much pain has been processed, but at the same time, much growth has occurred for me as well. I am fortunate I find myself among friends that have supported me and continue to support me. I thank them for the support they have given me and the lessons I have been taught.

Rhiannan's Birthday

Today is Rhiannan's birthday. I've never failed to wish her a Happy Birthday. I do wish her one through the ethers. I truly hope she has a happy one and enjoys her day. I miss her so much. Some times more than others of course. This is one of those days that I especially miss her. I find it hard to completely let go of her. I know I really need to do this but it is so difficult for me. Even after almost a year has passed. When I love someone, it seems to be a life sentence. She apparently doesn't feel this way. Truth is, it always seemed more one sided to me. I would've given my life for her if required. Still I am trying to push through. Push through the best that I possibly can. I truly hope she finds peace, healing and love in her life.

A Life Not Taken

I was told by my former best friend to drive off a cliff
To end my life
Sometimes I wonder how things would be different
If I had done what she asked
Sometimes there was nothing I wanted more
Was the fact that I didn't follow through
A matter of strength?
I would like to think so
But I'm really not sure
I keep thinking back to those times
Despite everything that happened
I still love her
I suffered more pain that I can ever imagine
I think death would have hurt less
So I think it was a matter of perseverance
Of endurance
I would like to think
That karma is paid up
I truly hope so
Mine anyway
I can't speak for her though
I ask that all the hosts of Heaven
Would watch over her
Not for any recognition for me
But that she would be blessed
In all that she does
In every aspect of her life
Her entire being
May she be filled with healing
May she be filled with wisdom
May she be filled with abundance
May she be filled with love

Jaclyn C. Horton

Trans-Orientation?

Looking into attraction to transgenders. In the past many of these individuals have been accused of just wanting a transgender individual to fulfill their fetish dream. Yes I'm sure there are those but what about those who are legitimately attracted to trans people as someone could be attracted to a man or a woman. I do think this is very possible. There are also trans people who would like to find some of these people for a love interest of their own. In my opinion, something worth looking into.

I Will Always Love You

Regardless how you feel about me
Whether you wish good or ill
I will always love you
Love you with all my heart
People tell me to avoid you
That you will just hurt me
I can't help the way I feel about you
I have loved you longer than I can count
I don't remember a time of not loving you
My soul yearns for you
I'm so sorry for how I hurt you
In that previous lifetime
I was so wrong
I didn't realize it then
I sure do now
I've tried not loving you
I realize now that's impossible
Regardless of the feelings you have for me
No matter what they are
I will always love you
Love you not only with all my heart
Love you with all my soul.

Jaclyn C. Horton

Flow Through Me

As I open myself up to You
I feel your energy flowing through me
Your very wisdom given to me
I offer myself to You
I ask You to guide me on my quest
Fill me full of Your strength
Fill me full of Your passion
Flow down through the Pleroma
Into Malkut through my very soul
May what is best for my higher self
And my current incarnated self
Be manifested in completion

Freelance Writing

Last night I signed up for freelance writing. I'm looking to produce copyrighting, landing pages, web content and more. I also want to get into freelance photography. These are two of my dreams and I'm looking to manifest them into reality. This also gives me a chance to be my own boss so to speak.

I had been trying for a contract to hire network analyst position. They made a last minute change in the requirements which knocked me out of the running. I'm not too upset about it though. I had prayed to Mother Sophia that She would guide me as far as a location, what would be best for me and best for others. Perhaps this is Her answer. I do believe it is.

I am planning to move back to the SF Bay Area in April. Molly and I will be meeting up with her boyfriend in Reno on April 1st. I'm planning to be back in the Bay Area the latter part of the first week of April.

Decisions, Decisions

I need to make a decision now, the job here that I had mentioned, well they contacted me. They sent 18 resumes to them, mine was one of the 6 that they selected. I have an interview on Friday. That will certainly influence my decision making. I miss the Bay area and I really don't like this area. The job though pays $22/hr, contract to hire. After being hired it would pay around $48,000/year.....

Something I wrote: As per my nature, life continually presents before me choices that help me to see and learn, in a continually deeper way, who I truly am. Of course the Pisces part of me is constantly changing. I get dizzy myself from all the changes! It's like riding a constant wave a hundred feet high. The only way out is to ride the wave and in the process absorbing the lessons in the process.

Struggles

Last Friday night, Jasper (my cat) and I ended up having to sleep in my car. All my belongings were in there too so it was quite crowded. The temperature got down into the negatives (Fahrenheit). We would been very cold except for me running the engine everytime we started getting cold. My check that I normally get by the 15th from my parents was late. It didn't come till yesterday. We're most likely going to have to sleep in the car again tomorrow night. Ironically we probably wouldn't have to if it wasn't a bank holiday. The majority of my funds won't be available until Tuesday because of the bank holiday. I really wish I could access my money when I want/need it. But then again those in power don't care about people like me that are struggling. They're more conerned with their own profits.

Thoughts about where I should be

As I'm laying here with my cat laying on my legs (lol), I keep thinking where I should be. I really don't like this weather. We're having another winter storm warning. My body doesn't seem to like it either. I've been having more sinus issues here. Probably much of it has to do with the weather. Of course the cheap, processed food I've had to eat probably doesn't help either. I've had to stay in a motel for almost the past month. I'm running out of money too. I don't want to have to sleep in my car in this weather. I offer myself to Mother Sophia. I want to be where I can be useful, where I can be a blessing to others and to where I can learn and grow. I open myself up to Sophia, I surrender to Her. I ask for Her guidance. May She cause the winds to uplift my wings and carry me to the best place for me and gently set me down. I ask Her to shelter me from any harsh weather and any other danger. May She help me to grow as a person and as a soul wherever I am.

Once again I was thinking of Rhiannan. My mind goes toward her so often. Many times I wonder how she's doing, what she's doing. I hope she's ok. I ask the Mother Spirit to watch over her, but to do it anonymously, or at least without her knowing I asked for it. I just want her to be ok. I was really hoping we could get together and somehow talk things out. I guess that's not happening, at least not right now. Either way, I hope she finds peace, healing and love, in whatever way that's best for her.

Today is a new direction

I've thought I was submissive for quite some time. I've been looking for someone who was an experienced dom or domme. Today I offered myself as a sissy and a submissive to someone I've known for several years. He's also into spirituality and respects my beliefs and honors them. I've told him I see myself as a priestess to both Sophia and Lilith. I feel when he makes love to me it will be as if he is making love to each of them since I am a priestess and I represent them. My desire is to serve him to the best of my ability. I told him I want him to direct me and to challenge my limits except where a safe word is used. We are both polyamorous so it is possible either or both of us could be involved with someone else. I'm ok with that. I hope any other partners will bless each of us even if it is away from each other. May any other relationships be filled with love. I'm excited about this new relationship and this new direction. It is my hope that our relationship and this contract will be blessed. I hope I will grow with this new direction. May both Sophia and Lilith bless this union.

Jaclyn C. Horton

2/7/2019

My Nature

When I care, I really care, even to the death of my heart. Typically what I do symbolically, I kneel before them, naked holding a knife in my hands, offering it to them. Giving them the opportunity to cut my heart to pieces. The choice  is up to them whether they take the knife. I care that much. I offer that much. I care to a fault. I love to a fault. This is true, whether platonically or romantically. I could be abused, but I won't say anything because I love them. I love them with all my heart. I offer it to them. I hope they will honor it and treasure it. They can do that or cut it to shreds or throw it under the bus as something that is worthless. The choice is still up to them. For better or for worse, this is my nature.

Housing Intentions

------------------------------------------------Immediate Housing Intentions---------------------------------------------------

Find a month-to-month studio or 1 bedroom apartment that accepts cats. The apartment will be convenient to La Crosse, Wisconsin and West Salem, Wisconsin. The apartment will be $700 per month or less. The feeling of having my own place is going to feel so wonderful. I can do whatever I want in my own space. That will feel so freeing.

----------------------------------------------------------Future Intentions-----------------------------------------------------------

Find a cottage that is near the Pacific Ocean, suitable to do writing, make income sufficient to live off of utilizing writing and photography skills. As a free spirit to have my own home near the ocean will feel so good and even inspire my writing all the more. My spirit will soar.

Arrival to La Crosse

I made it to La Crosse, Wisconsin. What a journey though! I ended up taking a different route than I had originally planned. I went south from the Bay Area because of the winter storms in the mountains of northern California and Reno. I headed south to the Bakersfield area then east to Las Vegas, where I spent the night. The next day I spent the night in Denver. The 3rd day was the roughtest, I saw many accidents because of the weather. Nebraska and Iowa had mostly ice which kept freezing on my windshield and and wipers. It turned to snow as I ventured to Northern Iowa and parts north of there. There was 6 inches of snow on the ramp to I-90 in Minnesota. I made it to La Crosse at 2 am where I breathed a deep sigh of relief. The next day I was able to visit my daughter and her partners. One of her partners has visitation for his kids so they were there too. They've grown so much since the last time I've seen them! It was nice seeing how attentive and caring Tiffany was to the children. I've always known she was good at that sort of thing but it was nice seeing it and how much better she's gotten at it as well. She has a lot of her mother in her!

I'm currently staying in a motel in La Crosse--me and Jasper that is. We're staying inside, we just have no desire to get out into negative temperature weather. I really miss my Bay Area friends and the spiritual community there. I feel I've grown so much from being there. I hope to at least visit there in the future. For now I hope to visit with Tiffany and do what I can to help her.

A Note to Rhiannan

I'm sure you probably won't see this, but I have a desire to thank you for the time you were in my life and the time you allowed me to be in your life. You've honestly been the best friend I've ever had. I've cherished our friendship and am thankful to have you for a friend as long as I did. My hope is that this year and all the rest of your days you will be blessed with abundance and with good health in all areas of your life. I hope also that your life is filled with love.

Thank You

Sometimes I stop and think that I've had a difficult life. But then I stop and think how I've really been blessed by the people in my life who have supported and guided me when things were difficult. Such a wonderful blessing indeed. Thank you to everyone who has been there for me.

Moving Update/Parents

Today on the way back from the Gnostic church service I went to I got a call from my parents. It wasn't a pleasant call. My parents (mostly my dad) wanted to talk go over things. For me it was more of what was expected of me. I had already planned to "tone things down." They wanted to buy me clothes, male clothes. Thing is I need to be myself. My dad is so conservative, so adamant about having his way and, in my opinion, bigoted, it's going to be difficult to be myself. I've pretty much decided to not move to Alabama afterall. I feel like my Mom is being punished by my Dad's bigotry. It's really not fair, but whoever said life was fair? I am still planning to visit my daughter in Wisconsin. I added a job alert on Linked In for La Crosse. Motels are much cheaper there than they are. I was thinking if I find a job in La Crosse or the surrounding area I could stay there till the end of the job. I could then move on to the next place Spirit moves me to.

A Lifetime

For some people
Having to wait till the next lifetime
Isn't too long to wait
Love is timeless
For some people
Who live in your heart
A lifetime seems
Such a short time
If it means you will
ultimately be with each other
Love is timeless
For some people
That live in
Your very soul
A lifetime isn't too long to wait
Love is timelesss

Jaclyn C. Horton
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