Decisions, Decisions

I need to make a decision now, the job here that I had mentioned, well they contacted me. They sent 18 resumes to them, mine was one of the 6 that they selected. I have an interview on Friday. That will certainly influence my decision making. I miss the Bay area and I really don't like this area. The job though pays $22/hr, contract to hire. After being hired it would pay around $48,000/year.....

Something I wrote: As per my nature, life continually presents before me choices that help me to see and learn, in a continually deeper way, who I truly am. Of course the Pisces part of me is constantly changing. I get dizzy myself from all the changes! It's like riding a constant wave a hundred feet high. The only way out is to ride the wave and in the process absorbing the lessons in the process.

Struggles

Last Friday night, Jasper (my cat) and I ended up having to sleep in my car. All my belongings were in there too so it was quite crowded. The temperature got down into the negatives (Fahrenheit). We would been very cold except for me running the engine everytime we started getting cold. My check that I normally get by the 15th from my parents was late. It didn't come till yesterday. We're most likely going to have to sleep in the car again tomorrow night. Ironically we probably wouldn't have to if it wasn't a bank holiday. The majority of my funds won't be available until Tuesday because of the bank holiday. I really wish I could access my money when I want/need it. But then again those in power don't care about people like me that are struggling. They're more conerned with their own profits.

Thoughts about where I should be

As I'm laying here with my cat laying on my legs (lol), I keep thinking where I should be. I really don't like this weather. We're having another winter storm warning. My body doesn't seem to like it either. I've been having more sinus issues here. Probably much of it has to do with the weather. Of course the cheap, processed food I've had to eat probably doesn't help either. I've had to stay in a motel for almost the past month. I'm running out of money too. I don't want to have to sleep in my car in this weather. I offer myself to Mother Sophia. I want to be where I can be useful, where I can be a blessing to others and to where I can learn and grow. I open myself up to Sophia, I surrender to Her. I ask for Her guidance. May She cause the winds to uplift my wings and carry me to the best place for me and gently set me down. I ask Her to shelter me from any harsh weather and any other danger. May She help me to grow as a person and as a soul wherever I am.

Once again I was thinking of Rhiannan. My mind goes toward her so often. Many times I wonder how she's doing, what she's doing. I hope she's ok. I ask the Mother Spirit to watch over her, but to do it anonymously, or at least without her knowing I asked for it. I just want her to be ok. I was really hoping we could get together and somehow talk things out. I guess that's not happening, at least not right now. Either way, I hope she finds peace, healing and love, in whatever way that's best for her.

Today is a new direction

I've thought I was submissive for quite some time. I've been looking for someone who was an experienced dom or domme. Today I offered myself as a sissy and a submissive to someone I've known for several years. He's also into spirituality and respects my beliefs and honors them. I've told him I see myself as a priestess to both Sophia and Lilith. I feel when he makes love to me it will be as if he is making love to each of them since I am a priestess and I represent them. My desire is to serve him to the best of my ability. I told him I want him to direct me and to challenge my limits except where a safe word is used. We are both polyamorous so it is possible either or both of us could be involved with someone else. I'm ok with that. I hope any other partners will bless each of us even if it is away from each other. May any other relationships be filled with love. I'm excited about this new relationship and this new direction. It is my hope that our relationship and this contract will be blessed. I hope I will grow with this new direction. May both Sophia and Lilith bless this union.

Jaclyn C. Horton

2/7/2019