Releasing You

I release you
I release you to the winds
I let you fly away
Like a white dove when released from her cage
As you spread your wings and fly away
I wave at you as you soar into the sky
May happiness, peace, light and love find you
In this life and the life to come

Jaclyn C. Horton

I Am Enough

Mother Sophia mother of my spirit
I ask you to help me to accept
That I am indeed enough
I am good enough
No matter what anyone else thinks
No matter whether or not anyone accepts me
No matter whether or not any particular person
Wants to be with me
I am indeed enough

Releasing Difficulty

As I try to release you, let you go on your own way, your own path, whatever that is, I struggle so much. Today I cried again with the thought that you don't want my help. The other night I dreamed of you, which is saying something because I usually don't remember my dreams. A guy was persisting when you told him now. I stepped in and said "I believe she said no." Protecting you from an unwanted advance and potentially another molestation. For years I've visualized dying for you, sacrificing myself so that you might live. Perhaps the dream is just my subconscious attempting to free me from any commitment I may have towards you. I don't know. I do know this has been a herculean struggle for me. I don't know how long this will take. I'm so tired of hurting. I wish Sophia would take me from this world, from this pain. How much longer must this persist? How much longer must I endure this torture? I think of you every day. I wonder what you're doing, if you're ok. I can't seem to stop it. I've told you before it's really hard for me to ever stop loving someone once I've started. I'm really not sure how to do this. I don't want this to last for years. I'm sure my friends get tired of hearing me talk about this struggle. So many things remind me of you though. I guess only time will tell how long it will take. I wonder if I were to die before releasing you, would that mean I would think of you and endure this pain for eternity?

A Valiant Effort

Yesterday I listened to a guided meditation on releasing a friendship. This was my attempt at releasing a friendship, one that I would have sworn that the Earth would be destroyed before this friendship would end. Alas I was mistaken. I participated in the meditation with the hopes that the relationship would be released and I could move on with my life. However, it was not to be. Later in the day I began thinking of her again, wondering how this could happen and also, how she could try to cheat me. At least, it sure appears that she was. Once again the tears started to flow as I could help but think I really tried to love her the best that I could. This morning, after awaking, the thoughts returned that I really tried. I wonder how much longer this pain is going to go on. There are times I want to give up on this lifetime. I don't want it to seem like a retaliation to her or hurt those that I care about. I just want to stop hurting. Is that too much to ask? I just want to live in peace. It seems like people leave. Why do they leave? Have I done something to deserve this? Why can't I have happiness? Why can't I have true everlasting happiness? For the life of me I don't know.

Jaclyn C. Horton
All Rights Reserved
Copyright 2018

My Struggle

I've really been struggling trying to release Rhiannan. I know and realize it's something I need to do but it's one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. It's been much harder than I expected. I remember when she unfriended me I yelled out "No" at the Universe. I cried for seven days. I also suspect she and her girlfriend were trying to scam me. I cried over this as well. I'm really trying to get through this. I suspect this is going to take quite awhile. To put it into perspective, when my ex-wife, Rita, passed away I cried away for five days. So this was more intense. I believe I knew Rhiannan in a previous life which could be making the difference. It was in a romantic relationship I believe. I hope somehow there can be healing for both of us.

Jaclyn C. Horton
All Rights Reserved
Copyright 2018