My Nature

When I care, I really care, even to the death of my heart. Typically what I do symbolically, I kneel before them, naked holding a knife in my hands, offering it to them. Giving them the opportunity to cut my heart to pieces. The choice  is up to them whether they take the knife. I care that much. I offer that much. I care to a fault. I love to a fault. This is true, whether platonically or romantically. I could be abused, but I won't say anything because I love them. I love them with all my heart. I offer it to them. I hope they will honor it and treasure it. They can do that or cut it to shreds or throw it under the bus as something that is worthless. The choice is still up to them. For better or for worse, this is my nature.

Housing Intentions

------------------------------------------------Immediate Housing Intentions---------------------------------------------------

Find a month-to-month studio or 1 bedroom apartment that accepts cats. The apartment will be convenient to La Crosse, Wisconsin and West Salem, Wisconsin. The apartment will be $700 per month or less. The feeling of having my own place is going to feel so wonderful. I can do whatever I want in my own space. That will feel so freeing.

----------------------------------------------------------Future Intentions-----------------------------------------------------------

Find a cottage that is near the Pacific Ocean, suitable to do writing, make income sufficient to live off of utilizing writing and photography skills. As a free spirit to have my own home near the ocean will feel so good and even inspire my writing all the more. My spirit will soar.

Arrival to La Crosse

I made it to La Crosse, Wisconsin. What a journey though! I ended up taking a different route than I had originally planned. I went south from the Bay Area because of the winter storms in the mountains of northern California and Reno. I headed south to the Bakersfield area then east to Las Vegas, where I spent the night. The next day I spent the night in Denver. The 3rd day was the roughtest, I saw many accidents because of the weather. Nebraska and Iowa had mostly ice which kept freezing on my windshield and and wipers. It turned to snow as I ventured to Northern Iowa and parts north of there. There was 6 inches of snow on the ramp to I-90 in Minnesota. I made it to La Crosse at 2 am where I breathed a deep sigh of relief. The next day I was able to visit my daughter and her partners. One of her partners has visitation for his kids so they were there too. They've grown so much since the last time I've seen them! It was nice seeing how attentive and caring Tiffany was to the children. I've always known she was good at that sort of thing but it was nice seeing it and how much better she's gotten at it as well. She has a lot of her mother in her!

I'm currently staying in a motel in La Crosse--me and Jasper that is. We're staying inside, we just have no desire to get out into negative temperature weather. I really miss my Bay Area friends and the spiritual community there. I feel I've grown so much from being there. I hope to at least visit there in the future. For now I hope to visit with Tiffany and do what I can to help her.

A Note to Rhiannan

I'm sure you probably won't see this, but I have a desire to thank you for the time you were in my life and the time you allowed me to be in your life. You've honestly been the best friend I've ever had. I've cherished our friendship and am thankful to have you for a friend as long as I did. My hope is that this year and all the rest of your days you will be blessed with abundance and with good health in all areas of your life. I hope also that your life is filled with love.

Thank You

Sometimes I stop and think that I've had a difficult life. But then I stop and think how I've really been blessed by the people in my life who have supported and guided me when things were difficult. Such a wonderful blessing indeed. Thank you to everyone who has been there for me.

Moving Update/Parents

Today on the way back from the Gnostic church service I went to I got a call from my parents. It wasn't a pleasant call. My parents (mostly my dad) wanted to talk go over things. For me it was more of what was expected of me. I had already planned to "tone things down." They wanted to buy me clothes, male clothes. Thing is I need to be myself. My dad is so conservative, so adamant about having his way and, in my opinion, bigoted, it's going to be difficult to be myself. I've pretty much decided to not move to Alabama afterall. I feel like my Mom is being punished by my Dad's bigotry. It's really not fair, but whoever said life was fair? I am still planning to visit my daughter in Wisconsin. I added a job alert on Linked In for La Crosse. Motels are much cheaper there than they are. I was thinking if I find a job in La Crosse or the surrounding area I could stay there till the end of the job. I could then move on to the next place Spirit moves me to.

A Lifetime

For some people
Having to wait till the next lifetime
Isn't too long to wait
Love is timeless
For some people
Who live in your heart
A lifetime seems
Such a short time
If it means you will
ultimately be with each other
Love is timeless
For some people
That live in
Your very soul
A lifetime isn't too long to wait
Love is timelesss

Jaclyn C. Horton
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