As a Pisces, I constantly am directed towards two different directions. Currently it's towards hanging in there the best I can or succumbing to the struggle, letting darkness overcome me and overwhelm me.
Today as I was riding BART on the way home, as the train was above ground and I mentally reached for the ground, the car began to plummet downward and I could see the surface getting further and further out of reach.
As I've mentioned before, I've been contemplating a DNR. I keep going back and forth on that. I'm tired of the struggle, the anxiety causes a physical manifesting in my body of deeper and more asthma symptoms.
I went to the clinic this evening but didn't get to the pharmacy in time. They won't be reopening till tomorrow morning which will mean I won't get the prescriptions filled till tomorrow evening after work.
Mostly I want relief. Whether in this world or beyond it.
Jaclyn C. Horton
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