I went to bed around 8:30 but woke up wide awake around 11:00. After playing a bit with my new phone (an iPhone 11 which I love) I started getting sleepy again but couldn't go back to sleep. I kept thinking about Rhiannan again. It's been almost a year and a half since she unfriended me. Despite how much pain I felt regarding this, I had no animosity toward her. That changed tonight.
My thoughts kept going back to another night when I was having trouble sleeping. That time I and her were staying with her brother's family. They had a late night "discussion," part of it about me as if I wasn't in the house. I was quite awake and could easily hear them. Her brother actually was saying she was verbally abusing me, which she was. She replied she was tired of hearing that. Both her brother's family and her mother (who has since passed away--may her spirit rest in peace) actually had been saying Rhiannan was verbally abusing me for quite some time. I denied that for the longest time (it took being away from her and being unfriended by her before I finally admitted that to myself). While they were having this discussion, I tried burying my head into the pillow, which did no good whatsoever. Later I told her I could hear what was said about me, to which she replied she figured I could. No apology at all. Tonight I was wishing I would have walked out of the house even if I had to sleep in a motel or my car. But that would have caused a confrontation with her, something I had been avoiding for quite some time. Even now as I mention this I can feel my heart racing from the anxiety I feel recalling all of this. It is said that anger is not the opposite of love. In fact, it can be the largest expression of it.
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