My Dad and I

 One of the reasons I moved to this side of the country was to be near my elderly parents. My Dad and I don't exactly see eye to eye on things, especially on me being transgender and expressing myself as the woman I am. When I visited there in July, my Dad insisted that I not go out in the yard or anywhere where the neighbors would be able to see me. This is all because he's afraid of what they might think and he didn't want to have to explain about me. It's also why he didn't want me to tell any of my extended family about me being transgender. All because of his insecurity that he hasn't dealt with. 

I did notice when I was at their house that my Mom was much more accepting than my Dad was. She even was asking the name I'm using and had started using the correct pronouns when I'm addressing me or referring to me. I'm pretty sure he didn't want me there but my Mom did. She was ecstatic that I was there. Not so with my Dad. I believe my Dad is manipulating both of us. When I had planned to move back there in January of 2019, He wanted to be with stipulations-that I dress as a guy. Both my parents are in their late 70's so I was wanting to be able to help them, but my Dad is only focused on how he appears to others. He's oblivious that he's keeping me from my Mom and other members of the family, all because he's insecure. To me this affects relationships with multiple members of the family. I would really like to help them but I'm not willing to change who I am to do it. When I visited them I wasn't wearing a dress, I was wearing a tee shirt and jeans, trying to tone things down as much as I could. I do have long hair though and wasn't willing to cut my hair.

So here I am, I'm willing to help them around the house, take them places, however could be of help. My Dad though is still caught up in what others might think so he tries to hide me from others that might see. I really miss my Mom but feel blocked from being there for her. It may sound bad but I hope she outlives him.

The other day a song came up on my playlist, Barry Manilow's "Ships," which I feel perfectly describes the relationship between him and I. We're like 2 ships that pass in the night.