Releasing Difficulty

As I try to release you, let you go on your own way, your own path, whatever that is, I struggle so much. Today I cried again with the thought that you don't want my help. The other night I dreamed of you, which is saying something because I usually don't remember my dreams. A guy was persisting when you told him now. I stepped in and said "I believe she said no." Protecting you from an unwanted advance and potentially another molestation. For years I've visualized dying for you, sacrificing myself so that you might live. Perhaps the dream is just my subconscious attempting to free me from any commitment I may have towards you. I don't know. I do know this has been a herculean struggle for me. I don't know how long this will take. I'm so tired of hurting. I wish Sophia would take me from this world, from this pain. How much longer must this persist? How much longer must I endure this torture? I think of you every day. I wonder what you're doing, if you're ok. I can't seem to stop it. I've told you before it's really hard for me to ever stop loving someone once I've started. I'm really not sure how to do this. I don't want this to last for years. I'm sure my friends get tired of hearing me talk about this struggle. So many things remind me of you though. I guess only time will tell how long it will take. I wonder if I were to die before releasing you, would that mean I would think of you and endure this pain for eternity?