Lately I've been struggling physically. There's been a fire east of here, in the Chico, Ca area. The smoke has been blowing over to this area, in Berkeley. Air quality is over 170 which is unhealthy and has been there for a number of days. I had multiple asthma attacks today. I'm so tired of it.
Tonight I have been feeling very alone. I realize that I want to find someone that thinks similar to the way I do. Someone that craves spirituality but also craves carnality. I want to be taken physically but I also want to share myself spiritually, intellectually as well as emotionally. I also realize that I am the type of person that requires an invitation whether a prospective relationship is of a platonic nature of a romantic one.
I also find that I want to do work that is beneficial to other beings, not just someone's finanical bottom line. I don't have that at this time. Currently I feel that I'm sacrificing myself just to be able to survive in this world. This is not a world I feel I belong in because of the nature of the society we live in. I feel like I should be somewhere else. I hope things will change soon. Because of my sensitive, empathic nature, existing is a challenge, but one that I will do my best to keep pushing on.
Jaclyn C. Horton
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