Latest thoughts

A few days ago I was riding BART to work and I was amazed that I am still not "over" Rhiannan and the hurt I felt, and still feel from being unfriended by her. I wonder if I will be over this. Sometimes I doubt it. I hope she's doing ok. I wish her healing and love. I find myself unable to express the feelings I have for her. All I am able to do is cast them out into the Universe. If she ever reaches a point where she will be able to receive them, she will.

This past Fourth of July, which was just a couple days ago, I connected with my friend Quynh. We had planned to go to the Botanical Gardens but the ones we ended up at charged $15 apiece and she refused to pay money to look at plants lol. I agreed with her. We did ride around and look at some of the sights. The sight from the Berkeley mountains overlooking the East Bay was quite a sight. We could see all of Berkeley, Oakland, the Bay and San Francisco in the distance. We both took some pictures. We also went to the waterfront at Emeryville and took more pictures. After our adventure Quynh had other plans to go to and I joined the Interdependence Day festivities at Vida Alegria. It was a nice time. I especially enjoyed seeing Tsahai.

While Quynh was here we talked a bit about my shyness and why I am that way. Some of it I don't think I realized myself. Much of it we discovered was due to me being bullied when I was growing up. Also we discussed my desire to have sexual reassignment surgery. This is so important to me, I would make myself a slave (sexual or otherwise) or a prostitute. I honestly see nothing wrong with being a prostitute. You're offering a service to someone that desires it. If it helped me to pay for surgery it would be more than worth it. We sell ourselves whether it's selling our body or selling our skills to the highest bidder. Either way, we're offering services to those that are willing to pay for them. Quynh said she had some connections both with bdsm and someone who had prostituted themselves to earn money. I'm actually looking forward to this. I hope I am able to do either or both of these.