Preparation Notes for Joy's EFT Session

Running Trip to Portland-Oct. 2018

The thought of being the lead for the job sites terrified me. The more I thought about it, the more I wanted to get out of here. I felt a fear of leading. In retrospect, I have always felt I'm more submissive (not in just a BDSM context either, although there's an aspect of it there as well). Even raising my kids, I had difficulty directing them, telling them what to do. Perhaps there's a relation there between these two events.
When people would try to call me from the job, asking where I was or if I was going to be there for the upcoming day, I literally wasn't able to talk to them and wouldn't asnwer the phone. Each time they would call I could feel the anxiety rising up within me. I felt an uneasiness around the areas of my heart and solar plexus areas.
Of course I've always been shy, but to me this is well beyond being shy. Most people are able to push ahead and do what needs to be done. For me, though, I was so afraid I ran away and wouldn't answer the phone. A similar thing happened around 2012 or 2013 when I had a job lined up in mental health, but after the training was completed, I wasn't able to go do the job because I was afraid. Again I avoided answering the phone. That seems to be a common theme and a form of running away.


Fight with Rhiannan-Feb./March 2018

I had always felt afraid of disappointing Rhiannan. When Rhiannan texted me, telling me she was mad at me over letting Jazmine get out of the car (which I was having to keep her and Jasper in the car at the time), I felt a very large wave of anxiety rise up. The urge I was feeling was I needed to get out of there, leave the area. This fight occurred over text messages. She was quite irate. I had originally agreed to bring Jasper over because she thought I was unable to care for him. She had said Michelle, her gf at the time, was wanting to beat me up, so I might want to wait a bit before coming over. I texted that I wouldn't be coming over. This made her even madder. She told me to lose her number and drive off a cliff. This is someone who had been my best friend. It seems my worst fears had come to fruition.
Duing a somatic session with my friend Quynh, one of the things that came up was Rhiannan and I were in a romantic relationship in a past life. I cheated on her and she ended up killing me. I do feel that much of my fear related to my fear of her stems from this past life event. I feel my relationship with her (or past relationship) is a karmic relationship. I would like to think that at least some of this karma has been resolved, but I don't think it all has, and possibly more has been created from both of us.


Avoided calls from my Dad-2008

I avoided calls from my Dad when I had moved up to Wisconsin in 2008. I had always felt an inability to get approval from my parents, especially my Dad. I remember I would curl up in a ball when I was avoiding those phone calls. The anxiety I felt from this felt quite severe. Logically, of course, it made no sense. My Dad actually mentioned this, but I think this showed his inability to understand anxiety and panic attacks. He is a Capricorn rising and quite logical in his thinking. I can count the number of times he's told me he's proud of me on one hand throughout my whole life. My Dad was always good with money, a gift I never had. I wanted so much to gain his approval. Instead most of my adult life I've struggled. He didn't approve of my choice of a spouse (Rita was from a poor economic background while we were upper middle class). He hasn't approved of my financial dealings. He certainly didn't approve of my transition into the female role. In fact, he told me I wouldn't be welcome at his funeral when he passes. They would make up a story to the rest of the family that I was in the hospital from asthma related issues.