On Sunday, August 15th, Sandy contacted me. It went well. I've really missed her and she told me she missed me as well. She had said she was never planning to leave me forever but was giving me time to heal. We're platonic friends. I told her today I had been totally in love with her. She said she easily could have fallen in love with me but had seen what would happen if she had, so she kept from going there. We will be friends, spiritual friends. It feels like a relief. Tonight I did cry from loneliness but it had nothing to do with her though. It is my goal and intention to reach a point where I love myself. I'm trying to do that but it feels so hard. I've read so many times that we need to love ourselves, that happiness begins with us and I want to make this happen. I've read books on this. Still I seem to be struggling with this. Still I continue to work at this. I tell myself that I love myself, I hold myself. I want to make this happen.
I ordered a ticket to the Rosicrucian Egyptian Museum. I'm planning to take Bart down to San Jose and go there by myself. It should be fun and I hope to learn a lot. I have a such a strong interest in spirituality, I would love to work in the area. I have a thirst for knowledge, for gnosis. There are few people I can talk to about this. Sandy is really the only person I can speak to about this, that understands it on the level that I do. It is also my intention to move to San Jose. I've been saving up money for this. It is my first priority financially speaking. I think being on my own will be better for me spiritually as well.
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